Birthday celebration ends in calamity amidst widespread attacks

AP: Castle Rock – The town of Bridgton Maine was rocked this morning by what witnesses refer to as “wild attacks by creatures coming out of the mist”. Several fatalities have already been reported. Unconfirmed reports of tentacled monsters, giant swarming insects, and horribly loud moaning sounds issuing forth from this morning’s post-storm fog have been clogging local radio stations. While it’s not known if there could be a possible connection, a birthday celebration ended in tragedy when an out-of-control vehicle slammed into Frank’s Pump and Pay, a service station in the King’s Crossing section of downtown Bridgton. The unidentified party goers were walking through the Pump and Pay parking lot when the speeding vehicle struck a row of pumps which then exploded in a rain of fuel and fire. The death toll is unconfirmed. Witnesses report at least two survivors who stopped, dropped, and rolled to safety before climbing into a late model sports car and speeding off. If you have any information regarding the identities of the two survivors, please call Bridgton Emergency Dispatch – 1-800-663-2657

There are widespread accusations that the local US Military installment’s top secret, “Arrowhead Project” is to blame.

Across the street there was another crowd forming in a local supermarket watching the fire burn out of control. By 9:30 AM the fire had not decreased in the least. The police were holding it back to the fire lines, and discussing the tragedy in a tone which those seasoned witnesses of death seldom use.

“It’s the worst thing I ever saw,” said one old policeman.

At 9:35 AM, authorities in Castle Rock lost communication with Bridgton’s local Sheriff’s Department. Police ask that people remain in their homes until the fire is under control.

5 responses to “Birthday celebration ends in calamity amidst widespread attacks”

  1. Tim Bradstreet says:

    C’mon, you can do it. Drop us a comment and let us know what you think of all this tom-foolery.
    Then we’ll head back to the studio for tea and medals.

  2. sorry….my eyes are getting a bit misty OVER all THIS……i mean……Those poor party people!

    Why is no one else talking about this!? clearly, this is breaking news!! GET THE PRESIDENT ON THE PHONE!! I smell set-up, cover-up.

    hope the bday boy is one of those fortunate survivors & made it out ok. but I’ve got a strange feeling….he’s the real one they were all after…

    • Tim Bradstreet says:

      Rosella doth empathize. Tis indeed a monstrous lack of command and control and will be swiftly dealt with.
      This I assure you.

  3. Thank you, Timothy. I take great comfort in your words. But urgent action needs to be taken, because I tried dialing that emergency contact number, & all I got was an audio recording stating…..”We’re sorry you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error please check the number and try your call again.”

  4. Tim Bradstreet says:

    It’s true. Stay tuned for next update when we’ll try and shed more light on events.
    Please stand by . . . Please stand by . . . Please stand by . . . Please stand by . . . Please stand by . . . Please stand by . . . Please stand by . . . Please stand by . . . Please stand by . . . Please stand by . . . Please stand by . . . Please stand by . . . Please stand by . . . Please stand by . . . Please stand by . . . Please stand by . . . Please stand by . . . Please stand by . . . Please stand by . . .

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